Sunday, November 21, 2010

Troll 2 (1990)

A young child is terrified to discover that a planned family trip is to be haunted by vile plant-eating monsters out of his worst nightmare. His attempt to save his beloved family is assisted by the spectre of his deceased grandfather (Imdb rating 2.1).

This film is legendary in the area of awful movies. And there is a multitude of reasons for this.

Firstly, there is no trolls, only goblins. Secondly, Troll 2 has nothing to do with the first Troll. There are many, many more things atrociously wrong with this film, a novel could be written about it. One of those 100 page novels with big font, and pretty pictures, but still.

The sheer amount of stupidity, the bad acting, the strange special effects (especially the 'trolls'), it all beggars belief. Due to the entire production crew speaking Italian, there were a lot of lines that don't make sense. I mean, does having friends really mean that you will be a virgin forever? And Granddad Seth, although a 'hero', is one seedy looking fucker.

Make sure you piss all over the food, Joshua!

Once again, I'm making this movie sound dull. It is not, by any standards. How can I dislike a movie that involves hilarious looking goblins, spoilt milk that turns people into human/plant hybrids, and corn porn?

This is right at the top of entertaining bad movies, if you go into it ready to laugh. If you are looking for a good movie, don't watch this, but surely you must realise what this blog is about by now. Go watch 2001 or something.

Things I learnt:

  • Grandfathers like to speak about themselves in third person.
  • If you are kicked in the nuts too much, you turn into a homo.
  • Ghosts sometimes have trouble with the layouts of houses.
  • Other times they have Molotov cocktails.
  • Chainsaws tickle man-plants.
  • Finally, you can't piss on hospitality, I won't allow it!

1 comment:

  1. We don't have coffee. It's the devil's drink!