Sunday, November 7, 2010

Suburban Commando (1991)

Shep Ramsey is an interstellar hero. His ship is damaged after a fight with an interstellar nasty and he must hide out on Earth until it can recharge. (Imdb rating 3.8)

Sounds pretty simple, right? It is. It's a Hulk Hogan vehicle, and from what I understand, one of the better ones. It's like saying you were the one killed last by Arnie (or in other words, David Patrick Kelly), but it is still something. It wasn't particularly good, but it wasn't shit either. Middle of the road, by any nature.

I did genuinely laugh out loud a few times, like when Hogan heard the mailman sliding letters through the door and he instantly pulls out a knife and goes into attack mode, or when he punches a mime in the face to break him out of the 'K7 force-field' that had him ensnared. So it had me entertained, which is all I can ask of a terrible movie.

I'm here to rent your apartment brother!

Things I learnt (this movie was a learned experience):
  • Shelley Duvall's career went right downhill after the Shining.
  • Veterans hang on their lawn in broken jeeps and drink their urine from a cup all day.
  • It takes one day to convert a tool shed into a bedroom
  • The Undertaker is a bad guy... in a movie! He can also spit nails like bullets and has the voice of a 5 year old girl.
  • Alien ship technology looks like two guys playing top down Frogger.
  • Old people like to drag race from red traffic lights, at the same time, every day.
  • Bikers won't beat you up if you scratch their cars; they'll SUE.
  • You can get Hulk Hogan to stay still for a group picture by making him eat an entire cake.

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